By Your Side

The last couple of days have been kinda rough. Frustrated and disapointed with myself, frustrated that life doesn't seem to make sense and I dont understand what God is doing. Frustrated with the struggles that I have and wondering where in the world is the Lord in the midst of all of it. It's the same cycles. The same frustrations. The same questions. It's these times when I want to toss it all to the wind, when I want to give up but at the same time know I wont.

It's that struggle of KNOWING that God is enough and all you need and actually BELIEVING it. Why is there such a misconnect there? Why does head and heart knowledge not automatically connect?! Life would be so much easier!

BUT THEN I get so frustrated with myself because in the bigger picture of the world.... my issues, my struggles, my frustrations are so incredibly small and stupid. Look at the whats going on in Japan or any third world country......my problems are nothing. Then why can't I just let them go?

This morning this song came on my ipod......and I cried.....why is it so easy to forget who we should run to first, who should hold our hearts, who will always be there?

   By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

Dont take life for granted

It's so easy to focus on what we do not own, what we do not have, how life is lacking and how we wish things would change. Why is this? Why is that almost the natural route to go down? And why do we even let ourselves? It doesn't promote contenment or happiness, it doens't make you feel better about your life, it doesn't encourage you, it doesn't make you feel blessed and if anything it does the exact opposite. The grass is NEVER greener on the other side. You are NEVER going to have enough. You are NEVER going to think your life is perfect. You are NEVER going to be satisfied. There will always be junk going on, there will always be struggles, there will always be things we are waiting for and life will always be hard in one way or the other.

So, do I say that to be discouraging? No, not all! But maybe just to be realistic so we will stop thinking that we'll "feel" better about life once we get that perfect house or job or relationship or that hard time will pass. I think we spend so much time striving for those things that we miss what is right in front of us.

Do you ever feel like life is just screaming past you? That sometimes you dont want to sleep cause you will miss something? Then why are we spending so much time worrying about what we want and what we don't have? Or worrying about when this season will pass?

Yes, some seasons are HORRIBLE but I never enjoyed surviving one of those by focusing on the horriblness of it. That never helps. If anything it's just thrown me into a deeper and darker place. And once one season ends, another begins......and, at least in my experience, every season has some level of horrible to it.

I don't want to miss life. I don't miss the things God has for me on a daily basis because I'm so self consumed about the things I want to change or be different. And I do. A lot. And it's because I forget one thing. My level of contentment and being satisfied is directly connected to who or what I am seeking to be satisfied by. And there is only one place that I should be looking to for that. Only one place that wont let me down in that area. And those times when I feel like it has.....that has more to do with I started looking for it elsewhere again.

It's funny how easy we forget where our hope lies. It's in Christ and I forget that a lot. And He's way better at being in control than I am. I'm thankful for the unanswered prayers and I'm thankful that He hasn't given me all the things I want or I think I need.

I choose to place my hope in Him. I choose to be thankful for where I am. I choose to be joyful even when I'm not feeling it. I choose to not take today for granted and see the way that God is moving in my life and those around me.