Day Twenty: I'm thankful for the beauty of creation

 

 I'm housesitting this incredibly beautiful house this week. And this morning decided that I was going to take some time and just sit outside. It's was so beautiful. It makes me wish I lived somewhere I could do this every morning. I love the beauty of the creation around us. There is something that is peaceful and calming about being around nature. We take it for granted all the time and today I want to stop and acknowledge it.

Today, I'm thankful for the beauty of creation.

Day Nineteen: Thankful for lots of little things.....

I'm sitting here staring at this screen trying to think of what to write about and be thankful about today. It shouldn't be this hard and all that is coming to mind is the little things that put a smile on my face....so today....

I'm thankful for the little things.

Like sunsets behind the mountians

random text messages

 amazing summer lightening storms

 sweet forehead kisses

baby giggles

 the feeling of knowing adventure is around the corner

Conversations that stay with you

good hugs

smiles shared between friends that say a thousand words

phone calls just to say I miss you

real letters/cards that come in the mail

soft and clean sheets

pillows

hot tubs

frozen yogurt

coffee

hot tea on a sore throat

and the list could go on and on

I usually take all the above for granted but they all mean the world to me (some more then others of course).

Day Eighteen: I'm thankful for little blessings

Sometimes it's the little things in life that brighten your day and week. And then sometimes it's the little larger, random things that brighten your week as well! This week I got a call from our local radio station that I won a competition to be apart of a little exclusive performance by the band Parachute. This my favorite song by them below.....

Swoon. Yes. Love this song. So today......

I'm thankful for the little blessings in life.

It's things like these that I feel like God is showing me his love and pursuance of me. I know that probably sounds slightly cheesy but I'm okay with that. It's between me and God and no else needs to understand. But I am thankful for the little blessings that He throws my way to show me he loves me.

Day Seventeen: I'm thankful for Jonny Best

Ah! I love chocolate. Living in Northern Ireland spoiled me for life though.

I hate American chocolate now. And this week I received a lovely little package that had chocolate from the UK in it!

And lovely little happy 8th birthday card. Not because it's my birthday but because my friendship with the person who sent this is almost eight years old.

So today I'm thankful for Jonny Best

I love this boy! He is one of my favorite people ever. We met during Summer Madness in Belfast and proceed to do Streetreach together. He was 17 and my little blessing of encouragement. God used him so much in my years in Northern Ireland to bless me, encourage me and remind me that people do value who I am. He would take me on "date nights" and talk about how all guys are stupid cause they weren't asking me out. He was like the perfect little brother! I admired his desire for the Lord and how He lived his life completely sold out for him. We've kept in touch since I left and I am so so so so proud of the man that he has become. A man who loves the Lord and loves others with all he is. Who's only desire is to serve God and be where God wants him to be....no matter where that is.

I'm so blessed to have this man in my life and blessed by the way that he loves me and shows he cares about me and my life even when I'm thousands of miles away. I love him dearly and he will always be like a brother to me.



Day Sixteen: I'm thankful for the ability to be thankful

Wow. You know what amazes me is that I KNOW I have so much to be thankful for but I'm struggling with things to write. It is because I want to sound so profound and be able to write loads about it? That's lame. I should be able to just clearly state the little things I am thankful for too. So today......

I'm thankful that I can be thankful.

The ability to recognize the blessings in my life come from the work of God in my life. It's so easy to get caught up in life, what isn't there, what I don't have and what is missing in life. Instead of being focused on the blessing that shower me every day. I want to be more aware of the things I have to be thankful for than I am right now. But I am thankful that I'm aware that I have a need to be more than what I am now. :) 

Simple but good.

Day Fifteen: I'm thankful for God's love

Last night Fusion (High school ministry at my church that I work with) had a night of worship and part of the night was focused on silence. And how much how world is full noise and what would happen if we cut out the noise. Would we hear God clearer? We were given space to be quiet before the Lord and wait for Him to speak. It brought me to what I'm thankful for today.......

I'm thankful for God's love.

It sounds cheesy. I know. And it's words we say all the time. God loves you. God loves us. God loves me. But think about. Really think about what those words mean.

Sunday night as I sat on the floor in that gym asking God to speak to me. I had been dealing with several bad choices that day and feeling worthless and just being really hard on myself. I guess I expected God to want to say something like "I love you but keep going, do better next time, make better choices" and everything else along those lines. This is what I wrote in my journal later that night.

As I sat. As I sat in the silence. As I quieted my hear and wait to hear what you wanted to say to me. With recent events of I felt so broken, so beat up, so full of shame, so condemned and all you wanted to say to me was...

I love you.

that's it?!

I love you.

No words of anger? Or disappointment? Or Condemnation?

I love you.

Why couldn't I believe that was what you wanted to say to me? I asked that if that was true that the next song they play would be the song "How He Loves". Well, it wasn't the next one but was in the last set. You love me. At the deepest level you love me. Despite myself, despite my wonderings, despite my choicesm despite me...

I am loved by you. You don't hold condemnation towards me. You forgive me. Thank you. I don't deserve it. I screw up so much. Thank you. Thank you for your forgiveness and for ultimately always loving me.

Day Fourteen: I'm Thankful for my Dad (of course!)

It's Sunday. It's the third Sunday in June to be exact. And that would make today Fathers Day! So, in honor of that.....

I'm thankful for my daddy!

He is one of the significant men in my life who I know will ALWAYS be there. Growing up he always did everything he could to take care of his family and provide for us. He would do lots of little things around the house to show that he loves us. My dad's has always show his love through acts of service which growing up in the moment I don't think I understood or saw the depth of his love for us as my acts of service would not be one of my stronger love languages. But as I look back now and understand that about him.....it's very clear how much he loves us. :)

I was clearly a daddy's girl growing up. (Ok so I still am in many ways....right mom? haha). I love the pictures of when I was younger and I was always hanging on him and hugging on him. Some of my favorite memories were going on the annual birthday breakfast date with Dad and my 16th birthday dinner date (yes I still got a breakfast date that year too! haha), where he proceed to give my my purity ring and tell me all guys are slime and just to stay away from them (wish I listened to that a little more. ha.). Oh and of course he did and continues to make the typical comments about guys in my life....just like any father would. There is a picture of him and my last boyfriend standing there and Dad has gun in his hand and my ex a scared look. It was all in fun at the time. But now.....it's REALLY funny cause my Dad really did want to take a gun to him after we broke up in a way I've never seen him want to any other guy I dated. (My theory is that his intensity in that was actually because he really, really liked this guy.... haha.)

But I think one that really stands out to me was back when I was pursuing the option of going to Northern Ireland. I was 19, living at home, going to Palomar College and I had already decided I wouldn't go without my parents blessing. We'd all been talking about this for about a year and I came to the place that it was going to have to be a God thing for them to be okay with me taking a break from school. Dad took me to breakfast (I think this was a birthday breakfast but maybe not...) and he told me that I had their blessing to go and that they didn't want to stand in the way of anything God may have for me. I think that moment was significant in my mind because I know that was a hard thing for him to say and do. And in a lot of ways it was him "letting me go" to start making choices and decisions as I felt God lead me. I remember walking away thinking how much I knew he selfishly didn't really want me to go but that he loved me so much that He wanted what God wanted for me more than anything.

And still to this day my dad does little things to show his love even though I'm hundreds of miles away. For example....I went home in May and my dad did several things to make sure I had a working car for me to be able to come and go as I please. That is him loving me. He gave me $40 when I left to pay for the parking at the airport when I returned to Denver. That is him loving me. Him always telling me that if I need a loan to fix my car (or whatever) to let him know. That is him loving me. Him telling me I'm not allowed to date anyone till I finish grad school (haha). That is him loving me. Him listening to me talk about random stuff on the phone that he doesn't really care about (usually he passes me off to mom at this stage but sometimes he'll listen). That is him loving me. We live in a world where broken families and children not having involved fathers in their lives is the norm. And I am so thankful that I was blessed with one who has always been involved in my life, always loved me and always will.

Happy Fathers Day, Dad!

Day Thirteen: I'm thankful for washing cars

I'm house sitting this weekend. Ahhhh. It makes me miss living in a house. With a backyard that I can just sit out in and drink coffee and read books and enjoy the beautiful Colorado weather! It's also nice to have a driveway and a hose so that I can wash my car that is ABSOLUTELY stinkin.....so today......

I'm thankful for washing cars.

But not just because now I have a beautifully clean car but for a little reminder I was given. My car is the most expensive thing I own. (...well unless you count college education....) And I still have five years to pay on it before it's fully paid off. So, as I was washing my car.... I am getting up close and personal....taking full advantage of the opportunity to make sure it will sparkle. But by doing so I'm being made fully aware of every scratch, ding, paint chip and what not on my car. And with each new one I see.....I'm getting slightly more and more agitated. What in the world. How did that one get there? And what is this scratch? And seriously, here too? Ugh!!!

I finally had to sit back and go "Jessica, are you seriously getting annoyed that your car isn't perfect? That your car has dings, scratches and whatever else it does from normal wear doing what it was designed to do? Get you places." My materialistic side most definitely showed up. Really....it doesn't matter cause it's all gonna eventually burn anyway. But it is so easy to get drawn into the attitude of what I own and how nice my stuff is determines my value. Who cares if I drive a car that doesn't looks perfect? And honestly with the dings and all....I have been blessed with a nice car and need to be thankful for it and for how it provides the transportation I need.

Something else struck me then too though.......I have dings, scratches, chip paint and that all has come from normal wear of life......am I valued less? am I loved less for it? Well, maybe by some but not really by another who matters. Just a thought.

Day Ten: Thankful for my extended family

Laughter. Holidays/ Food. Games. Music. Fun. Love. These are words that come to mind when I think about "extended family". I loved holidays growing up. There was always lots of people and food and fun. I remember the nerf gun Christmas and running down the hall and dodging into rooms playing with my uncles. I remember being stuffed ALL DAY LONG cause all we did is eat and eat and eat. Ah. It makes me sightly sad when I think about how all of us are sooooo far away now and living in different states but still today....

I'm thankful for my extended family.

I am beyond blessed in this area and I know I take it for granted. Not everyone has the type of family I do. My aunts and uncles have been some of my biggest supporters in life. They have always encouraged me and helped me along the way in life. They have been a sounding board, a book of wisdom and a fountain of love to me. I know they are always there and it's like I have several sets of parents in many ways.

I really hope that when it comes time for me to raise a family that my children will be able to experience and know extended family like I do.

Day Nine: I'm thankful for my health benefits

Long hours at a desk. Aching back and muscles. Sleeping on neck wrong. All these things add up to serious discomfort. But today i went to the chiropractor and got a full body massage. It felt so good and all for the small price of $7.50.

Today I'm thankful for my health benefits.

Day Eight: Thankful for skype

Skype! What a beautiful technology! I got to talk and see a  dear friend from college that I haven't spoken to in several months and it was awesome. So......

Today I am thankful for skype!

I love how it connects us together! I love that I can skype my sister and see my beautiful neice and nephew. It's so much better and easier to develope a relationship with little kids over skype than over the phone. I love how it connects me to friends who are international and who I can't afford to call. But skype is free so it totally works and I get to actually see them?! WIN!

Day Seven: I'm thankful for "my girls"

It's Sunday night and it's been several weeks since I've made it to Fusion (high school ministry at church). I like the summers for the freedom it gives us leaders to come and go and take a break if we need it but I do miss going on Sunday nights when I don't.

Right as I walk in I see one of the high school girls I'm going to Africa with and we start chatting. I hear a shriek to my left and turn my head and here comes Hannah running towards me and gives me the biggest hug ever! And then before I know it both Jenna and Jeanett give me huge hugs as well. Later on I run into several others of "my girls" who all greeted me with the same enthusiasm and one even pulled me to meet her friend who she had told that "you just have to meet Jessica". Aw bless. So, the rest of my night was spent hanging out with these and other high school girls and I loved it! Which is why today....

I'm thankful for "my girls"......

Sometimes I'm not aware and take for granted that I have such a special opportunity and role to play in the lives of these high school girls. They have no idea how blessed by them I am; to feel so loved and wanted as soon as I walk into the room! To be greeted with a run on hug is the best ever!

But it's also a huge responsibility, knowing that these girls look up to me and what I think of them means the world to them. And that is so incredibly humbling because I know any good they see in me is not of my own accord but a testament to God's grace in my life.

God's been challenging me a lot lately about what type of role model I'm being when no one else is looking. There have been several moments when I'm about to make a not so great decisions and the thought that comes to mind is "what would I be telling my girls to do" or "what would they think if they knew I was in this situations"? It brings on a new meaning to being held accountable and they don't even realize they are doing it! Love it!

I'm so thankful for these girls. Thankful that they trust me enough to allow me to be someone of influence in their lives. Thankful for the ways they challenge me. Thankful for the ways I see them love Jesus that put me to shame. Thankful that my life will be forever changed because of them.

I love youth work. LOVE. And thankful that while I can't do it full time God has provided me with a place to serve and girls to love. And girls, if you are reading this and you know who you are.....I do love you guys....more than you will ever know

Day Six: Thankful for the quiet

I've had one of those super lazy and quiet Saturdays. Against my will. I like being with people and I like being busy. I've learned to be more okay alone and try to take advantage of those times. But sometimes it's hard because my brain goes into overdrive and starts to dwell on things that aren't healthy. And it's in those moments that I have to choose. To choose to use those quiet and alone times in a positive way. So, today that's what I'm choosing to be thankful for.

I'm thankful for the quiet and alone moments. 

It's so hard for me sometimes to choose to have the attitude of thankfulness for those moments. And so many time in those moments I don't use that time wisely and instead just waste the day away.

But I know my life won't always allow me to have the time I have to myself now. One day when I'm married and have a family I'm guessing it will be a lot easier to treasure the alone moments.

So, until then I'm going to try to enjoy those moments now and take advantage of the "Jessica time" and be thankful for them.

Day Four: Thankful for education

This weekend 10 years ago I graduated high school. 10 years. Wow. I remember thinking back then that 10 years out of high school seemed like so far away and I'd be so old by then. Oh the naiveness of youth because I sure don't feel old yet.

But it got me thinking about how many years I have spent in some sort of education. After high school I went to two years of community college. I then had a year off as I spent my first year in Northern Ireland but the next two years I would spend doing online classes while I lived there. When I came back to the states I continued with online classes until I went to Moody and then was in school until I graduated in 2009.

It's been two years since I've been out of school and that's the longest I have been out of education since preschool. And I miss it. I really, really miss it. Which brings me to what I am thankful for today.

I am thankful for the education I have received.

So many people in this world don't get the opportunity to have a high school level of education, let alone a four year college degree! I'm so thankful that I've had the opporuntity to achieve both of those things.

Granted, I probably don't remember half of what I learned in my classes but I know so much of that expeirence helped develope me into the person I am today. I love learning and didn't realize how much I did until I was no longer in formal education. I love the classroom setting and the discussions and I miss it!

Which is why I am starting grad school this fall and am also thankful for the opportunity to have more education!

Day Three: Thankful for my car

Driving. It's something we do without thinking. It's something that we probably take for granted all the time. When I went to school in Chicago I didn't have a car and I didn't drive. I was thankful for the great public transportation but I missed the freedom of coming and going that driving provided. When I lived in Northern Ireland I didn't have a car for part of the time and the summer I went back to do my internship I didn't have a car. I missed it then. I hated having to rely on people for rides to EVERYWHERE and hated not being able to come and go. It was like my independance got squashed. But how quickly I forget what that feels like when I do have the ability to drive a car on a regular basis. Which brings me to what I am thankful for today.

I am thankful for my car.

My 2007 Scion TC
 (well this isn't actually my car....but it looks just like it except mine is black)

I love my car. I love that it's a little sporty. I love that it has a sunroof. I love that it has an awesome sound system (and can play DVDs). I love that it's stickshift. I love that while it's not the fastest car in the world my little baby can pick up speed pretty good and has been known to put some macho guys in their place. (specifically in downtown Denver...right Laura?! hahaha). I love driving my little baby.
The only thing my car is missing is a name. I just haven't found the right one and it's been two years. Suggestions?

Day Two: Thankful for a job

This has been the longest day ever. I kept looking at the clock at work and it never seems to change. Sometimes I really enjoy my job and enjoy that I'm comfortable and good at what I do. But then there are other days (like today) that it is slowly killing my soul.

Which brings to me what I choose to be thankful about today.

I am thankful that I have a job. In this country, in this world, in this economy, that is something I should not take for granted. There are hundreds and hundreds of people who would love to be working.

And not only do I have a job. But I work for an amazing organization that my heart and soul can get behind! Now while my particular job sometimes kills my soul. And in those moments I have to remind myself that what I do matters even though I'm not directly doing what makes my heart come alive which is reaching young people for Jesus. But what I do helps make it possible for others to do that. It matters. 

And not only do I have a job but I have job that is letting me take all my vacation days at once to go to Africa. I have a job that encourages health and gives us several hundred dollars a year to help us pursue healthier lifestyles. Not only that but I work for a company that has the most amazing health insurance I have ever come across in my life. And every four years I get a paid vacation to Florida for an all staff conference which just happens to be this January with Frances Chan as a keynote speaker.

Yup, I am beyond blessed in this area. Beyond blessed.

Day One: Thankful for the place I live

A roof over my head, a kitchen to cook in, a bed to sleep in and running hot water are things that I take for granted on a daily basis. Theses are things that many people in the world don't have. These are things that the majority of kids in Swaziland don't have. These are things I don't think twice about.

I'm beyond blessed in this area. Beyond blessed. I live in an amazing condo in a gated community that has the greatest hot tub ever! My place is cute and comfy. I have the most comfortable king sized bed that is all my own. (Which is going to be hard when I get married one day and have to share!) I have a hot shower every morning and a kitchen that is at my disposal to use.

And what blows my mind is how even as I type all this......I'm still taking it for granted and I'm not sure how to make my brain register how blessed I am. Sigh. I'm guessing after Africa and after seeing first hand how others live it won't be as hard.

That still scares me.

30 Days of Thankfulness

In 30 days I'll be in Africa. In 30 days I'll be starting a journey that, I hope, will change my life and turn my world upside. In 30 days I will be face to face with poverty unlike anything I have ever seen with my own eyes.

And it terrifies me.

I don't want to get out of my comfort zone. I don't want to be stretched. I don't want to feel the emotions that I know I will. I don't want to feel sad. I don't want to feel pain. I don't want to broken.

But at the same time I do.

I want my heart to break. I want to feel the depth of love for people that God does. I want to see these African childen with the eyes of the Lord. I want to cry tears over their hearts. I want to be humbled and broken and changed. I want my heart to become one that is overwhelmed with thankfulness. I want to look at my life and not see the things I want to change but see the blessings God has given me. 

And that is where this blog is going to come in. I want to use the next thirty days to prepare my heart for that change. Every day I'm gonna blog about something that I am thankful for in my current life, something that maybe I take for granted on a regular basis. It might be a simple thing one day and it might be a bigger thing the other. I don't know but I invite you to come on this journey with me. This journey of discovering and recognizing how truly blessed by God I am.

The Allure of Hope.....

What comes to your mind when someone asks you to think about the word "hope"? As many of you know hope was my chosen word for the year and it's been interesting to watch how it's been coming up in my life. I'm currently reading a book called The Allure of Hope with a dear friend of mine. As I've been reading I have realized some misconceptions of hope that I have. When I think about hope I think about anticipation, promise and excitement. But what I forgot about, or maybe just never realized, was that the feeling of yearning, anguish, ache, doubt and struggle are just as much intertwined with hope.

"The reality is, hope is something that rises up inside of us with a gentle strength that requires a response...responding to it brings a deepened sense of thirst, a deepened ache"

Does that mean that maybe....just maybe....the more hope rises in you....the more you will feel the ache and longings. When I read that there was a part of me the gave a sigh of relief. For the last several weeks and months I have been wondering what is wrong with me. Life is good and so many things have come together for me in the last year but yet I feel as my longings and desires for more have increased. The discontentment in life and the lack of being satisfied with where I am has grown. But maybe it has grown because I've been embracing more my hope for present and for the future. And just maybe that's the way it's suppose to be.

 "If hope produces a deepened desire, an aching waiting, why do we, individual and collectively, speak and act as though maturity means we have become satisfied?"

 Ah! Does that mean it's possible that the more mature we become actually means the more dissatisfied we become? So many times I think that maturity and growth will result in contentment. But maybe it's the more you grown, the more aware of your desires and longings, the more you realize that nothing here will satisfy and thus the more unsatisfied you feel.

"We are conditioned to believe that feelings of distress, pain, deprivation, yearning and longing mean something is wrong with the way we are living our lives...Comfort means "right" and distress means "wrong." Individually and collectively we must somehow recover the truth. The truth is, we were never meant to be completely satisfied"

I have felt this way so much lately, that because of the deep longings that I must be doing something wrong in my life. It has been such a source of frustration for me as I have no idea what else to do and couldn't pin point what I was doing wrong. So when I read the above it confirmed so much of what I have been experiencing. The more I hope, the more I'm aware of my longings, the more I realize how I'm not satisfied here, the more I know that I was never meant to be satisfied here. And maybe all these things everyone else has sorted out and was fully aware of but it gave me a greater sense of freedom to hope and to fully feel the longings, to fully feel unsatisfied but yet know that it is okay. I'm made for more than what I'll experience here on earth the Creator of all will one day complete my longings and desires and in that I am content and satisfied.

"We intrinsically know that hope is a painful process. Yet we want to have the courage to respond to hope anyway"

My new hunk of burning LOVE!

This last weekend has been the most amazing ever! I have met the man of my dreams. He is very attentive, caring and loves to spoil me rotten with wonderful, wet kisses! What more could I ask for. He makes all the other guys I have dated like old, grumpy men. Watch out girls - he's mine!

P.S. I shouldn't keep my blog logged in on my sister's computer. I am sooo irresponsible!