The 2013 Word of the Year

Back in 2011 I started a tradition of choosing a word for every year. 

It would be a word that I wanted to define the year. 

A word that I wanted to learn more about and see more in my life. 

In 2011 the word was hope and forever that word will hold a special place in my heart. 

The word 2012 was joy and that it is a result of a thankful heart and that I make the choice to be thankful was a hard lesson all year but one that will stay with me forever. 

 

I thought my word for 2013 was going to be pursuit.

It fits for the things that happened this fall.

It fits for the intense deep desire I have to pursue more of God.

It seemed right and perfect and I was excited for that to be the 2013 focus.

That has changed.

I woke up this morning extremely restless and anxious about various aspects of life. My heart was heavy. I tossed and turned for awhile, trying to avoid my thoughts with the draw of slumber. But, eventually the mess in my head drove me to doing something I haven't taken the time to do lately,

spending some quality extended precious time with the lover of my soul.

I played my United Pursuit stations on pandora.

I started pouring my heart out to the Lord in my journal 

As I did the song "I surrender all" came on.

Surrender. Something about it stuck out to me. 

"Jess, what would it look like if you were just completely surrendering your heart, your dreams and your desires to the Lord right now ."

I had texted a dear and wise woman in my life a little earlier and asked for prayer regarding the things that were going on in my heart. And it was at this time my phone started blowing up with her texts of truth and wisdom that my heart needed to be reminded of and hear. And so much of it was about trusting, giving up control, being patient and basically surrendering.

Those things do not come naturally to me. I like control. I'm stubborn. I think I know whats best for me. I am not patient. I want to know how things are going to turn out now. I am all or nothing person. I do not like living in limbo. It makes me uncomfortable. It terrifies me. The unknown can really terrify me. Ironically enough, I feel in limbo in many areas of my life right now and it's those things that caused a restlessness and anxiousness in my spirit.

Surrender. I suck at it. And it is the very thing that the Lord is so clearly asking me to do. 

So, my word for 2013 is now surrender.

"I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it all
I'll stand my soul Lord to you surrendered
All I am is your"

Here we go 2013. I'm slightly terrified of what you may hold and what this theme of surrender is going to bring my way. But at the same time I'm excited for this year because it's a new year with new opportunities to learn, to serve, to grow, to love others, to become more like Christ.  

I need to learn to spend every New Years Day morning this way. It was one of the most precious, intense times I've had with my Savior in a long time that has left me overwhelmed with the depth of love and care He has for me. He is faithful, so incredibly faithful. 

And reminding myself of that always overshadows the worries in my life and they grow small. 

He is all I need. He'll take of my me and my heart. He's got me. 

May this new year bring to you a new overwhelming understanding of the depth of love that the Lord has for you. May we be given the eyes to see the ways that He pursues our hearts. And may we end 2013 saying that we are more in love with our Beloved now than at the start of the year. 

Happy New Year.