Holding My Breath.

Application sent.

References given out.

Waiting on references to come back to have my phone interview.

Flight book to Atlanta in February for a required weekend that is apart of the application process.

I took the step and moved forward with the international staff process.

I knew I was suppose to. I just was struggling internally with giving up the security I currently have in life.

Do I really want to do this? Go overseas again? Start over somewhere again?

It's going to be hard. But hasn't here been hard too?

The decision was about surrender.

It was a question of who does my life really belong to?

Me or the Lord?

We both know the answer to that.

So the application was sent.

I "randomly" met Craig who leads up Young Life in Northern Ireland a couple of weeks ago.

He gave me his card and was very insistent I get in touch with him.

We're gonna meet up at ASC in January and talk more.

Could it possibly be that the call I felt on my life in July 2001 still stands today?

Could it be I'll be going back to Northern Ireland?

Did the Lord have to take me completely away from that desire so that I would engage with the present?

So, I would allow myself to fall in love with a boy that would lead me to moving to Colorado?

That would lead me to working for Young Life?

That would lead me experiencing the deepest pain and darkest season of my life?

That would lead me to experience God's grace, compassion, patience, faithfulness in a way I never had?

That would lead me to start over and to learn to live in each day and wrestle through the day to day?
That would lead me to where I am today....learning to seek God in each day, learning to be full of joy and gratitude that leads to contentment, learning to love those young people who I have the pleasure to be apart of their lives, to trust that God gives me what I need and not what I want, to learn to love those around me without expectation and to hope completely and fully in the Lord.

I found this quote and fits so well with my life. God knows what He's doing. He always has. I've been reflecting a lot on the past several years and finally am starting to understand. I am starting to see how my life the past couple of years has been preparing me for something bigger. That I need to go through all the crap to develop me. To be someone who can forgive more, understand pain, love deeper and trust God when my world is falling completely apart.

I feel like I'm holding my breath. Is this season over? This season of waiting? Of wondering why I came to Colorado? I don't know but I do know one thing.....

It is an awesome feeling finally starting to see what your heart kept choosing to trust, that God is faithful and His plan is bigger than your own.