Growth through disappointment: "Pursue Me"

"Pursue Me"

 This is the second thing that the Lord has been very clearly asking of me in this season. If what I said in my last blog is true, that our experience and knowing of God leads to a deeper trust well then the obvious question is how am I going to know him more? How do I experience God more so that I can trust Him more? It's simple, I'm going to have to pursue Him more. I'm going to have to intentionally pursue knowing Jesus. We all pursue things; good things, bad things, things we don't think that matter and things that we think matter more than they actually do.

But what is the most important thing in life? What is the most important calling in life? What should we strive for above all else? Is it about me figuring out where I'm suppose to be in life? Is it about me pursuing the "calling" the Lord has for me? Is it about me pursuing the ministry that I can best use my gifts? Nope. The other day I read on some on my journal from the past couple of weeks and the following is what I wrote three weeks after the "no".

"Life. Purpose. Dreams. Desires. Hope. We spend so much time pursing those, stressing, praying....what's my purpose? Where does God want me? And I think this season has been teaching me something. Life is not about figuring out the answer to all those questions but it's about pursuing the heart of God. My purpose in life is to know Jesus deeply and intimately."

There is this incredible freedom that comes with chasing after this goal and this purpose. I don't need to be consumed with the desire to know what God's will for me is because I know it. It's to pursue Him. And when I pursue Him all other aspects of life fall into place. When you're focused on pursuing Jesus alone you have no need to stress or worry about any other aspect of life because they will seemingly sort themselves out.

There have been numerous moments in my life over the last couple of months where I have experienced a level of peace and contentment that I'm not sure I ever have before. I think it's directly related to this thought. I want, more than anything else in the world, to know Jesus more. I want to be where He wants me to be. I want to fall more in love with Him. I want to see the way He shows up in my life more. I want to experience the love and compassion that He has for others more. I want to love others, for Him, more. I just want more, more of Jesus. I'm not sure I have ever been this intensely in this place before and I know it's directly related to this new focus of all I need to do in life is pursue Jesus.

This desire, this focus to pursue Jesus alone and trust that through this pursuit He will give me the dreams and the desires I do long for (or they will change to what He longs for me) is defining the way that I live my life. It's defining the way I interact with people. It affecting everything. But it takes work. I have to make a conscious effort to pursue the Lord. I have to get up early enough to spend time with Him before my day or it doesn't happen. But it's actually also about just being conscious of what does pursuing Jesus look like when I'm at work, when I'm driving, when I"m hanging out with friends. Pursuing the Lord isn't JUST about my 30 minute quiet time in the morning, it is about being in His presence all day. I think that looks different for every person.

This blog has been written in stages over the past couple of weeks and if I'm totally honest with you I think I've done a crappy job of pursuing the Lord lately and haven't been as consistent. And it makes a difference. There is a difference in my attitude, my view on life and there is a significant lack of contentment, peace and joy. It's so easy to slip back into the "check-list". Did I read my bible today? Check. Did I pray? Check? Was I Jesus to others? Half-Check. I do not want to half-hardheartedly pursue the One who loves me unconditionally in a way that I will never deserve or be able to fathom.

As I'm currently in North Carolina for the holiday I've had the opportunity to reflect and process a lot of this (again) with family who know and love me deeply. I am so thankful for this time away from life to clear my head and refocus. To be reminded of the intense need and desire I have to make Jesus my priority. The desire to make knowing Him deeper my everything even when saying those words bring a cringe to my soul because I know I'm not the best at it all the time. May I continue to learn and grow in this area to the point when pursuing Him deeper is as subconscious for me as breathing.

"know me. love me. trust me. pursue me."

Stay tuned for the next installment....

Growth through Disappointment: "The Nowhere"