The Path Principle

At the end of last year I randomly download a sermon series called Destinations by Andy Stanly. I think the Lord speaks to me through that man and his sermons more than anyone else I've ever heard speak. It was exactly what I needed to hear and still need to be reminded of as I venture though the season of life I'm in. I just recently listened to it again and feel like blogging about the things that I learned in this four part sermon series that has changed the way I look at my life.

PART ONE: THE PATH PRINCIPLE 

The direction of the road you are on will lead you to your destination.

Well, that's a no brainer. If you are going in the direction to point A, that route isn't going to take to point B. Pretty simple right?

This is what Andy calls the principle of the path: Your direction determines your destination.

The same "simple" idea applies to all our lives. Our direction in life determines our destination in life. Andy points out that we think that our intention, hopes, dreams, prayers, belief will at some stage trump our direction….....but guess what?! They don’t!

This principle of path applies to every area of our life: dating, marriage, profession, health, finances and so forth.

Think about your life. Think about the times that you've ended up at a destination where you did not want to be. Now, think about how you ended up there? When I stop to think about that I come up seeing the huge discontent between where I wanted to end up and path that I chose to take.

In his sermon Andy takes us through Proverbs 7 to illustrate this point. I'll let you read the whole thing yourself but in summary it's about how Saul watches a young man...

 
"He was walking down the street near the corner on the road leading to her house."

The her would be the woman of Adultery. Saul sees this young guy man walking down this path and KNOWS the outcome of his journey. He's walking down THAT path. THAT path will lead to the woman's house and lead to an end result that the young man may have not been intending.

Andy points out that so many times we are focused on what we are doing but God is focused on where we are heading. It is not just events that we encounter in life, they are paths. Just like this young man and his interaction with the woman of adultery....it was not just a moment of pleasure with her. It was a path that he was now on towards destruction.

 ^"Her house is on the road to death, the road that leads down to the grave."

But that's not our intention! It's not our intention to head towards destruction. It's not our intention to end up in THAT destination. And our culture tells us that as long as our intentions are good it doesn't matter the path we take. FALSE! At the end of the day our path TRUMPS our intentions every time.

I loved the examples that Andy gave for this

  "I wanna end up with great Christian guy – so I’m gonna go out with anyone who asks me if he’s cute. And that will lead me to that destination?!"

"I wanna lose weight and be thin so supersize that….i wanna be close to God so I get up every morning and read the newspaper"

"When I get married I wanna have an incredible sex life so I’m gonna practice with everyone that I date because the best way to insure great sex in marriage is to sleep with everyone along the way. You will not find someone in their 50s who says that it is what results in great marriage and great sex life…."

"Are the paths you are on gonna get you to wear you wanna be?!"

This was a haunting question for me when I first heard this sermon.

Because I knew the answer was no. I knew I was flirting with paths that would not take me to where I really ultimately want to end up and as I listened to this message it scared me. I didn't want to be on these paths anymore. I didn't understand why I'd become so caught up in them until Andy said this.....

"The reason we are so enamored with the wrong path is because there is something or someone on that path that has such a strong emotional appeal that we get so fixated on the immediate that we don’t even think about the ultimate."

YES! That has happened to me so many times! I feel like that could have actually been one of the themes of 2011 for me. I am a strong emotional person by nature. I will be the first to admit that I'm much more ruled by my emotions than logic. So, this made so much sense to me that the pull of these paths is that they are immediately filling an emotional need in me. That the appeal of that is so strong that I forget about the big picture and the bigger story.

And as I reflect on my life and the moments where I ended up in a "how the crap did I get here moment"......this principle rings true.

You start on a path and maybe you know it's not the wisest thing but really who is going to harm?

You are stronger than that, right?!

 "I just drank a little bit too much that night, it's not that big of a deal. So, I got wasted the next weekend. It was a one time deal."

"So, it was late at night and we were making out on the couch with the lights off. Yah probably not the wisest but I would never let myself get out of hand."

"Ok, so I went on a little shopping spree and charge it. No big deal, I'll pay it off next month."
"It was just lunch with a coworker, no big deal. Yah, he's married and yah he's joked that he'd leave his wife for a woman like me. That doesn't mean anything"

"I was just so stressed out, I just needed to relax so I tried it. It's not like I'm gonna use all the time"

Do you see yourself in any of those statements? Have you ever been in a similar situation? Have you ever had someone in life warn you? And you blew it off cause you knew you were cooler or smarter or stronger than that?

I have and it's those initial situations that slowly and ultimately led me to my "how did I get here" moments. Because those initial thoughts, initial actions, those initial "it's not that big of deal" moments are what started me down the direction of a path that led me to a destination that I did not want to be at.

Direction determines destination

I wish I had heard this sermon years ago. But thankful I heard it when I did.

So what about you? What path are you on? Where is it taking you?

What direction are you going in? Morally? Financially? Relationships?

These questions have now become ones that I ask myself on a regular basis

because sometimes it's time to start thinking about making some changes in my course directions to reach the destination where my hopes and my dreams lie.

 COMING SOON

Part Two: Looking Ahead

"

Three years later....

Three years ago today I arrived in Colorado Springs to start life after college.

I can't believe it's already been three years but at the same time it's felt like forever. I had no idea the roller coaster the next three years would be.

And I could never have even guessed three years ago I'd be at the place I am today.Standing on the edge of embarking on a whole new type of journey.

But wait, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Let me catch you up on the last couple of months of my life and what the journey of pursuing international ministry with Young Life has been!

In January I fell more in love with the organization that I work for. I spent a week in Florida with 4,000 of my Young Life family as we celebrated what the Lord has been doing through this ministry over the past four years. It was absolutely amazing to see what Young Life is doing worldwide and to hear the stories of how God is using this ministry to reach people.

I also got the opportunity to connect with Craig (from Young Life Northern Ireland) and it was incredibly to watch him walk into our opening ceremonies carrying the Northern Ireland flag, representing a country that holds so much of my heart! I walked away from this conference overwhelmed that God has blessed me with working for an organization like this. An organization that I would be proud to be with for the rest of my life.

At the end of February I had finished all the application requirements (paperwork, references, interviews) but one.

Attendance at the IIW 2012

(International Information Weekend)

It was an incredible weekend to get away from my busy life and be surrounded by others who are the journey of discovering if international ministry is what God has for us. It was a good time for me of God confirming to me that my desire is to go back overseas and that Young Life's philosophyy of ministry fits me exactly.

I also got the chance to connect with some more of the international team that I'd be working with when/if this adventure continues. About a week after I got back I had my first phone conversation with Chad, who overseas the placement process. That conversation felt more like an encouragement/let me speak truth into your life session than another interview! I was really impressed with him and just how genuinely he wants to see me where God intends me to be. But, first before I can officially be "accepted" as international staff and start the placement process I had to go through a conference call to go through my "Worcester Test".

The "Worcester Test" is part of application process and is this intensive personality/skills/gifting assessment.

I received 17 pages of results that analyzed who I am as a person. Overwhelming? Yes. But that's why you have a conference call with the psychologist who designed the test, Dr. Worcester, and Craig. The purpose of this was for Dr. Worcester to go through and explain the results and answer any questions or disagreements I had. It is the weirdest thing to have someone you don't know tell you who you are and nail it on the head. It was an encouraging conversation to learn more about how who I am affects the way I do ministry and how I need to be aware of how it affects other who aren't like me. (WHAT?! everything isn't like me?!)

Dr. Worcester told me that based on my personality and giftings that I am perfect Young Life field staff material and will do really well in an international environment. He said that I am confident, gifted and competent woman who has the complete social/leadership package. That I naturally lead others and have the natural ability to lead leader. That I should pursue eventually being an area director where that ability will have the opportunity to flourish. That Colorado Springs is definitely too small for me and I have what it takes to be stable in long term ministry. I was speechless. I could not have received a higher compliment. It was a moment of God confirming the call on my life, who He created me to be and what I was made to do.

And it SCARED ME!  

Can I really be this person that they see? Am I really that person?!

A week later I had another conversation with Chad. Before our chat I assumed this was going to be the "we want you" chat and let's start discussing things that would play a part in placing you. Man, little did I know I was about to get blown away.

Now, I'm not gonna lie I started getting nervous at this step in the process! I had no idea where they were thinking about placing me or what my options were going to look like! But I just kept praying that God would help me trust Him in this and that He would be leading and guiding Chad in that for me.

So, Chad did tell me that they wanted me and proceed to discuss how normally the placement process looks from here. That typically they will choose three locations that they believe would be a good fit for me to pray and consider. I already knew and expected this. But I didn't except what was to come out of his mouth next....

"But if it's okay with you we want to only pursue Northern Ireland as your placement at this time"

I was speechless and my eyes started tearing up.

This is my story.

God calls a 17 year old girl to a small little country called Northern Ireland. Girl goes for three years. Girl leaves to finish school with every intent on returning after. Girl goes back to complete summer internship for her degree. It's different and things are changing and she's not sure if this is where she's suppose to be anymore. Girl meets boy at the end of summer and strongly feels that God is leading her into that relationship. Girl knows dating this boy means that she's acknowledging that God may have something else beside Northern Ireland for her future. Girl falls completely in love with boy. Girl graduates college and moves to Colorado Springs to be near boy and is believes they will get married. Girl gets job at Young Life, an organization she has never really heard of before. Same week girls starts job, girl and boy start talking about breaking up. Girl and boy break up. Girl is then thrown in two years of heartache, pain, bad decisions, good decisions, growth, loneliness and whatever else you can think of. Girl feels like God has asked her in that season to learn to live in each day and not worry about the next or her future, so she does for two years. Girl then goes to Africa for missions trip. Girl realizes how much she misses international ministry and feels like God is giving her permission to dream again. Girl comes home and starts pursing Young Life International Staff.............and you can read here about that........Young Life international decides that they want to send her to.....

Northern Ireland

Wow....what example of faithfulness to the calling of a 17 year old girl.

Three years later I understand.

I understand I had to meet Stephen and let go of Northern Ireland to move to Colorado. So that I would be connected with and organization that would fit me best, Young Life. But also to gain more life experience, to learn and understand love, grace and forgiveness in ways I never had before so that I'd be better equipped to love and minister to people. And then for me just be sent back to the country that captured my heart at 17.

Now, this placement isn't final yet. I'm headed over to visit Young Life Northern Ireland early September.If that trip goes well and both sides feel that it's a good fit...than placement will be final.

 Till then.....hopefully I'll do a bit better job sharing my thoughts in this journey and what the Lord is doing in me.

But today, even though the memory of moving here with the man who captured my heart leaves me with a twinge of sadness at those lost dreams, I'll relish in thankfulness for the faithfulness of the Lord to me in these past three years.

And who knows.....maybe there is a man with an accent waiting on the other side of the pond for me!!!

(HECK YES!)

Passion2012: DO SOMETHING NOW!

Passion 2012 is currently happening (if you don't know what that is, check it out here) and I've had the opportunity to listen to some of the main sessions via their live stream.

I get shivers as I listen to the worship as I'm hearing thousands and thousands of 20-somethings worshipping the Lord and having their hearts being renewed, inspired and changed.

Yesterday's afternoon session left me.....well let me share with you what I came away thinking about.....

The woman who spoke, Christine Caine, was specifically speaking about sex trafficking and the darkness and pain in our world. She pointed out if you take away a name and face and just put statistic than it's easy to ignore suffering. This is why the Nazi's tattooed numbers, numbers dehumanized. Is it more powerful when we see large statistics of number of girls who are sex trafficked or when you hear and see one story, a story that has a name and face? What is our reaction when that happens? What are we suppose to do?

Christine talked about the story in the Bible about the good Samaritan and shared how it shows how we are called to react.

"the Samaritan had compassion and so he went"

Is it compassion when we hear the stories to get emotional and sad? Is it compassion when I sit there, crying my eyes out as I hear the story of an abused and broken girl? Not really.

"the Samaritan had compassion and so he went"

HE WENT. He didn't just sit there and cry. He didn't just sit there and ponder the darkness of the situation. HE WENT. He didn't just sit there and pray. It's not really compassion until you cross the street and DO SOMETHING. Until you become actively involved and allow your life to be interrupted.

We have been given hope. So many people in this world don't know the hope that I do. We have hope, we have been saved by grace. But we have been saved by grace FOR A PURPOSE. We are to be moved by compassion and be sent out to a lost and broken world to bring hope and restoration.

There are people all over the world, our country, our city, our neighborhood who are bound and captive. Maybe it's the extreme of sex trafficking or slavery but maybe it's drugs, it's the alcohol, it's an abusive relationship......whatever it is......what would happen if we raised our voices and did something?! Could we possibly be a generation that could help bring freedom, life, mercy, justice, truth to a lost generation?!?

Towards the end of her talk, Christine shared a story about her involvement in rescuing girls from sex trafficking. She was in a shelter and there was a girl who had just been rescued across the room who yelled at Christine why did she come? Christine told this rescued girl about this God in heaven that loves her, that Jesus healed Christine, and had freed her and God could do that for this rescued girl too. That God has a plan/purpose/destiny for her life and Jesus could redeem her and give her a future for her past. The rescued girl yelled across the shelter,

 "If what you are telling me about your God is true, if this is true about your God, THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU COME SOONER?!?!"

One word. HAUNTING.

What is it in our temporal lives that is so important that takes us away from the eternal purpose that we are here for? What is more important than people?

Safety? Comfort? Money? Security?

"Security is not the goal of Christianity......freedom is"

Jesus set us free to send us into a dark and dying world to bring freedom.

I think it scares us. Scares up to give up the security that our American life holds for us. Scared that would will God actually ask of us if we fully and completely surrender to the Lord?! Scared about the darkness that is in the world. Scared about how it could affect our lives and shake us up. But why? Why are we so scared? We don't need to fear what he defeated.

Christine ended her talk with the story of taking her daughter to go get a flashlight. And her daughter tried to turn the flashlight on in the store but because it was so light in there.....obviously you couldn't see the light. Christine's daughter turned to her and said, "mommy...can we please go find some darkness"

Out of the mouths of babes. How do we expect the light of Christ to shine in us in a lighted room? we don't need to fear it. Light works best in darkness. We need to take the light of Christ into a dark and dying world. How will they ever know if we don't do something?! Now?!

"Surely God wants to use rescued people to rescue people"

We have been rescued. When someone is saved and rescued from a dark prison do they just stay silent? Do they just keep calm about where they come from and what they have come into? NO! So, why do we?! Why do we stay in our little comfortable, middle-class, Christian American lives and act like God approves of our mediocre Christianity?!

If you call yourself a believer, a follower of Christ.....YOU ARE NOT YOU OWN....your life needs to be about being the light in the darkness.

Do something now.

What is God calling you, calling me, to do? How does He want to use my gifts and talents to make a difference in my world? Jesus has sent me, and you, to to bring life and liberty. We have been set free and rescued to do the same to others. Not to just live in our little "Christian 'bless me' clubs".

I feel God has been doing a lot in my heart the past week in regards to thinking about my future, my destination and how the choices I'm making influence the destination I'm headed towards.

(There will be a blog all about this in future days, I'm sure.)

Is it a coincidence that I heard all this the day before I have my first interview with the international guys of Young Life? Is it just by chance that I heard this when it speaks DIRECTLY to the fears and concerns I've had in me, regarding doing international ministry again?

HECK NO!

I know it was God telling me to stop thinking about me, about my future, about my comfort.It was God reminding me that there are hurting young people in this world that need to be told and shown His love. That there are dark places where these youth are and dark things that they are getting involved in that will just keep leading them further and further away from a loving and gracious God who wants nothing more than to be in relationship with them. And it is the call on my life to be a light to these people. It is the call on my life to love students. To love the trouble ones, to love the lost and dark ones, to love those who are pursuing the Lord, to walk that journey with them, to be Jesus to them, to be an example of a person changed by home, to be an example of someone who's been rescued and to be a light in the dark.

What that EXACTLY looks like? I don't know. But I've started on the journey of discovery it.

This is my "do something now".

Year of Hope to the Year of Joy

Hello 2012, welcome to my world.

Last year the word Hope was my word for the year. It it absolutly incredible to sit here a year later and think about all the ways that word impacted my life this year. Hope will forever be one of my favorite words. There is so much promise, so much anticipation, so much heartache and so much longing in that four letter word. I learned how important it is to allow yourself to feel the weight of the hope and the desires you have. That my hope for things must be brought under the banner of God's plans and control. That I need to trust Him with my hope. And to understand that hoping can bring pain. That your heart may ache the more you hope but that it isn't a bad thing. That it is actually suffering that can produce even more hope. It was a word I needed to focus on last year. I needed to find the hope in my life. I needed to find the source of my hope and how that can complete me. And I did.

I thought a lot about my word for this year. And the word I've chosen is Joy. It's something that towards the last half of this year I've been thinking a lot about. Joy. What does it look like to be someone who is joyful at all times, in all circumstances, not matter what is coming or going in life? I want to be that type of person. I want to be someone who understands what the joy of the Lord is and how it looks in daily life. So, here we go. On the journey of joy. Watch this space.

I've excited for this year. I'm excited to go to Florida in a few weeks and see one of my soul friends. I'm excited for my work conference and the refreshing time that I know it will be. I'm excited to watch the continual process of pursuing international staff and seeing what God does in that.

Hopefully, I'll blog more this year too. haha. Don't hold your breath for that one!

Goodbye 2011

I sat in my room earlier today with my journal on the my lap and my pen in my hand. I was ready to reflect on this past year. I was ready to deal with, what I thought would be, pondering on the difficult year. But, at the end I was surprised at what I realized about my 2011. Why is it so easy for us to remember the tough times but yet we forget the good ones along the way? While there were struggles and difficult times, I was overwhelmed by the amount of blessing that this past year has held. I am so thankful that 2011 was not like 2010. I am thankful that 2011 held so much hope and taught me so much what really hoping means. The following are some key aspects of my past year that I want to share with you. Some of these are happy, some of them are hard and painful but yet all of them had lessons for me to learn and because of that I am thankful.

This year the journey continued with the process of my heart regarding my ex boyfriend. I was still dealing with the pain and the hurt while attempting to grieve the loss of dreams. It all came to a head this past summer which you can read about here and I feel like it was a downhill journey from there. I can, finally, honestly say that I am no longer bitter or angry. I had the opportunity to see him a couple of days ago. It was good to see him, it was good to tell him that I was no longer angry. It was good for me to wish him the best to his face and deeply mean it. But it was hard. It was hard to see a man I loved not really seeking the Lord and making choices in his life that will affect him forever. I want more for him. I want more out of life for him. I want him to be able to rise up and become the man that I see the potential for. But, this won't happen until he fully surrenders to the Lord. And I pray for that for him. A lot. I wish I could be a constant in his life, I wish I could be involved and be someone who can encourage him to seek the Lord. But I can't. I may not be angry or bitter and I may genienly wish him well. But that doesn't change the fact that he represents lost dreams to me. He represents the lack of companionship in my life. He represents the loss dream of being married by now. And because of that......I can't really stay in touch with him. So, I've let him go. Maybe 2010 was about falling out of love with him and 2011 was about learning to let him go. Completely.

This year I learned a lot about loneliness. It's hard and I made a lot of choices I am not proud of. But through them I learned more about the grace of God and how it is new every morning. You can go here and read some of my thoughts on this earlier this year. How no matter what I do or where I go......God is always there waiting for me. I am so thankful for his patience with me as I repeatedly made the same choices over and over. And thankful for His faithfulness when I finally did start making the right choices and being able to experience and see why His plans are better and more satisfying.

Today I realized how much this year that God has provided me with people and community here in Colorado. It's not the type of community I would ideally like to have and I think I've taken the people for granted all year. I work with great people and have enjoyed relationships growing there. I got to know an amazing woman of God who I have the priveledge of labeling as my mentor now. I met some amazing girls who are now some of my closest friends here. My relationship continues to grow with the Huttos who have become my family here and where I can go and sit on their couch, not say anything and have that be okay. I'm thankful. Thankful for people who love and care about me here.

Africa. Africa was huge this year. It stirred up my heart for international ministry again. It started the journy of pursuing going back overseas. You can read here and here about some of that journey.

Finally......this year has been focused around hope but I'll talk a bit more about that tomorrow! 

Happy New Year people!

Holding My Breath.

Application sent.

References given out.

Waiting on references to come back to have my phone interview.

Flight book to Atlanta in February for a required weekend that is apart of the application process.

I took the step and moved forward with the international staff process.

I knew I was suppose to. I just was struggling internally with giving up the security I currently have in life.

Do I really want to do this? Go overseas again? Start over somewhere again?

It's going to be hard. But hasn't here been hard too?

The decision was about surrender.

It was a question of who does my life really belong to?

Me or the Lord?

We both know the answer to that.

So the application was sent.

I "randomly" met Craig who leads up Young Life in Northern Ireland a couple of weeks ago.

He gave me his card and was very insistent I get in touch with him.

We're gonna meet up at ASC in January and talk more.

Could it possibly be that the call I felt on my life in July 2001 still stands today?

Could it be I'll be going back to Northern Ireland?

Did the Lord have to take me completely away from that desire so that I would engage with the present?

So, I would allow myself to fall in love with a boy that would lead me to moving to Colorado?

That would lead me to working for Young Life?

That would lead me experiencing the deepest pain and darkest season of my life?

That would lead me to experience God's grace, compassion, patience, faithfulness in a way I never had?

That would lead me to start over and to learn to live in each day and wrestle through the day to day?
That would lead me to where I am today....learning to seek God in each day, learning to be full of joy and gratitude that leads to contentment, learning to love those young people who I have the pleasure to be apart of their lives, to trust that God gives me what I need and not what I want, to learn to love those around me without expectation and to hope completely and fully in the Lord.

I found this quote and fits so well with my life. God knows what He's doing. He always has. I've been reflecting a lot on the past several years and finally am starting to understand. I am starting to see how my life the past couple of years has been preparing me for something bigger. That I need to go through all the crap to develop me. To be someone who can forgive more, understand pain, love deeper and trust God when my world is falling completely apart.

I feel like I'm holding my breath. Is this season over? This season of waiting? Of wondering why I came to Colorado? I don't know but I do know one thing.....

It is an awesome feeling finally starting to see what your heart kept choosing to trust, that God is faithful and His plan is bigger than your own.

Drowning

Please. Not again.

Yup again. That same feeling of helplessness, of frustration, of desertion, of loneliness.

I feel like I'm struggling to stay above the water.

These are never good season for me.

Where is this this anxious, panic feeling I have coming from?

I'm so exhausted of this cycle. This vicious, vicious cycle.

Lord, where are you? Why? I'm not asking you to change things, I'm just asking you to show up and help me in the here and now! Where are you?!

If you are reading this, pray for me. Please. Pray that I will run to the arms of my Lord because right now all I feel like doing is pushing him away because that's what I feel like he's done to me.