Feeling Empty

Longings. Desires. Dreams. Passions. Goals.

I have so many of them. Some of them have been there for years! But so many of them seem like they will never be fulfilled. That they are so far from within reach. It makes me feel empty in a lot of ways. I'm impatient. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of pretending like it doesn't bother me. I'm tired of continually wanting more.

So, let's try it my way. Let's not wait on God's timing. Let's not wait for the best. Let's settle and do what I want now because now is all that matters right? I'm tired of waiting on God. I'm tired of waiting for His timing. Here is an opportunity, I'll take it. Sure it's not what I really want, sure it's not going to last, sure I know it's not God's best for me but it's just about this moment, right? It wont really affect my future and won't impact me so who cares, right?

Wrong.

How easy it is to forget the great feeling in the moment will haunt you after. That the enjoyment of the moment won't last. That filling the longings, the desires, and the dreams with empty things will leave you feeling......empty. And more than you did before.

Brokenness.

It's the place I find myself once again.

Once again I'm faced with the realization that I'm a sinner and I screw up all the time.

I'm so thankful that God's mercies are new every morning. That He loves me, despite me. That He accepts this fallen and broken creature and still desires me.

Hope. Trust.

Hope. There is that word again.....it like haunts me now. And everywhere I turn situations are challenging me to do just that....Hope. So, today I choose hope. Hope that things will eventually change. Hope that the desires and longings will be filled. And trust that God's plan and timing is better than mine.  Because I know it is.....it's just easy to forget how messed up I feel on the other side when I try my own.