Suicide.

Warning, I'm not responsible for the raw emotions or ramblings that may follow.

I got a text last night that envoked a million emotions from me by the time the text conversation was over. I met him but I didn't know him. Honestly, I don't even remember meeting him. But I was standing at my mirror, putting on my make up, getting ready to go to work when the text came that said "He shot himself". I drew a breath in and slowly sank into a sitting position on my bed just staring at those words. I flashbacked a little bit to sitting in my room at Moody getting a phone call along similar lines. I proceed to talk with my friend a little bit and asking him how he was and the range of emotions that ran threw me was overwhelming. And I didn't really even know him. How much more must be the emotions that my friend is feeling and all that knew him.

Shock. Anger. Sorrow. Regret. Questions. Guilt. Inability to undersatand.

There is just something about someone taking their own life that breaks my heart completely. I dont understand how someone can do that. It is THE most selfish thing a person could do. It makes me so incredibly angry! Those you end up leaving behind are in shambles and possibly screwed up for life. This man got married in July and now his wife is left to pick up the pieces. My heart hurts so much thinking about her and knowing that I had a hard time getting up in the mornings after break ups let alone after my husband died by his own hand.

But then on the flip side of things I think about the person who was so completely lost and helpless that his only avenue of escape is to take his own life. What brings a person to that level? Granted I have experience some serious deep depression in my life. And on one or two occasions the thoughts of ending it all seemed extremely appealing but yet I knew it would never go beyond the thoughts of it. What must be going on in someone's life that makes them so feel incredibly alone that suicide seems like their only option?

And then I can't help but wonder what could have been done to help this man? To help those who feel that level of hopelessness? What can we do? What can I do? I want to make a difference. I want to help bring hope to those who have none. Maybe it's a matter of just loving those who are hurting. Maybe it's just a matter of noticing those who sometimes seem to slip by unnoticed. Maybe it's about loving everyone no matter what. Maybe it's just about the little things that you do because you never know what one little thing you do could actually save someone's life.