Thoughts on 2010

As I look back and think about this past year there is a single phrase that you can define the way I lived the year.

......one day at a time.....

These were the words that became my profound statement of the year. I would be reminded of it in the heartache moments when I thought the tears wouldn't stop to the moments where I thought my smile couldn't get any bigger to the moments where loneliness invaded every core of my being to the moments, that were few and far between, where contentment filled my soul. I'm not good at living in the moment. I'm a dreamer and I enjoy letting my mind wander to the future and the "what ifs". But what happens when life seems to throw you curve balls? Several at a time or right after each other? What happens when a dreamer can no longer grasp see a future? What happens when the future just seems black and empty? The dreamer learns to live in the moment. The dreamer learns to dream one day at a time while she is in that day. That is what this girl has learned this year. That for this season in my life God wants me to live in the moment and I know because of that I survived even the darkest moments this past year......

This is something else I've learned this year. That even in the darkest moments, in the times that I'm not sure I'll make it, when I'm overwhelmed with feelings of desperation, there is still light and God is still good. In the most painful events of 2010 I can still pull out the good, pull out the light and see the ways it shined. I grew a lot this year, I learned how to pull out the light in the darkness. I learned the importance of being able to able to do that when nothing makes sense of the situation you are in. I had the opportunity to meet a guy this year and be pursued in a way I never have before. I felt desired and wanted and selflessly loved. But then he decided to end it with reasons that didn't make sense to me or anyone else around me but I had to let him go. I choose to hold on to the light in that situation. I'm thankful that I got to experience being loved in that way because I never had before. I learned what it meant to be treated like a princess and this man showed me the bar that other guys should meet in their treatment of me compared to way some had treated me in the past. God was faithful to show me that and protect my heart from allowing other men to treat me like crap. Light in the darkness.

There are a lot of things I'm thankful for this past year. The job that I have, the friends I have made, the church I have fallen in love with, the youth that I now work with, and the journey with God that I have gone on. As I ended 2010 I am filled with overwhelming hope and anticipation for the future. Do you have have those moments when you feel like something big is gonna happen? I feel that. I feel like 2011 is going to be a huge year for me and I'm not sure what that means or what that looks like. But I hope. That's my word for the year hope. I knew I wanted to choose a word for the year and in numerous ways "hope" has been spoken to me over the past couple of weeks. So, I hope. I hope for an incredible year that is filled with adventures, growth and joy. I hope that God reveals a bit more of his plan for my life. I hope that I experience His faithfulness in ways I never have, I hope that I learn to see how He pursues my heart and tells me He loves me on a daily basis. I hope for relationships to grow and deepen and that I experience the community we were created for.

But what I really want out of this year to help others experience and see the hope that I know. I want to serve and love selflessly because it is in those moments that I feel most alive. I just want to love people and walk their journeys with them. I want to be able to help show them that there is always hope no matter how bad a situation seems.

And with that goodbye 2010. I won't really miss you but will remember the things you taught me.

And hello 2011. I've been waiting for you and welcome you with anticipation full of hope.

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, sure and strong..." Hebrews 6:19