Last night Fusion (High school ministry at my church that I work with) had a night of worship and part of the night was focused on silence. And how much how world is full noise and what would happen if we cut out the noise. Would we hear God clearer? We were given space to be quiet before the Lord and wait for Him to speak. It brought me to what I'm thankful for today.......
I'm thankful for God's love.
It sounds cheesy. I know. And it's words we say all the time. God loves you. God loves us. God loves me. But think about. Really think about what those words mean.
Sunday night as I sat on the floor in that gym asking God to speak to me. I had been dealing with several bad choices that day and feeling worthless and just being really hard on myself. I guess I expected God to want to say something like "I love you but keep going, do better next time, make better choices" and everything else along those lines. This is what I wrote in my journal later that night.
As I sat. As I sat in the silence. As I quieted my hear and wait to hear what you wanted to say to me. With recent events of I felt so broken, so beat up, so full of shame, so condemned and all you wanted to say to me was...
I love you.
that's it?!
I love you.
No words of anger? Or disappointment? Or Condemnation?
I love you.
Why couldn't I believe that was what you wanted to say to me? I asked that if that was true that the next song they play would be the song "How He Loves". Well, it wasn't the next one but was in the last set. You love me. At the deepest level you love me. Despite myself, despite my wonderings, despite my choicesm despite me...
I am loved by you. You don't hold condemnation towards me. You forgive me. Thank you. I don't deserve it. I screw up so much. Thank you. Thank you for your forgiveness and for ultimately always loving me.
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